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Articles

How To Say "No" When You Mean "No"

by Lisa Trevino

 

When you want to say, "No," but fear doing it,

you seem to have the choice between guilt and resentment.

 

Guilt says, "I can't say no, because I will be a bad person or seen that way..."

If you didn't say "No," resentment arises, "I didn't say No, and now I sacrificed and for what?!..."

 

Take the guilt.

 

"But guilt is not real, right?" you would proclaim....

Yes, guilt is not real. But you won't know that until you face it.

 

You see, spending all of that time saying "Yes"

when you wanted to say "No" was denying your Self.

And it was actually "affirming" what you thought would make you guilty

if you said "No" by your saying "Yes" instead.

 

Only by saying "No" with grace and freedom,

being honest and authentic with what you really feel to say,

do you then find yourself able to say "Yes" honestly when the time is right,

without strings in your mind - silent, implied or overtly stated.

 

Be true to your Self, Love.

I love you.

 

Now, you might instead ask, "why would I want guilt?" 

"What do I do with it?" 

 

Guilt is not real. 

 

It is merely a story of who you think you are

and who you think you should be

projected onto others you think are one way

and should be another. 

 

It is just a story. 

 

If you think you are guilty for buying yourself a nice meal,

for example, you must ask yourself,

"Is this true? 

Or is it that my "rules for spending money"

or my eating a "certain way"

are the only judges of what is right and wrong here?"

 

Without those "rules" or "stories,"

would you still be guilty for eating a nice meal? 

Of course not! 

 

Because you never were guilty.

 

There is no guilt, because all that we betray are our stories. 

If I have rules for how someone must act around and with me and they "break" them,

they only betray the stories,

the rules, the conditions I have placed on LOVE and nothing else. 

If I have rules for how I must act with someone else...likewise.

 

Love doesn't ask for sacrifice. 

Love is all encompassing. 

There is no loss.

 

If you feel to say "Yes," say it. 

If you feel to say "No," say that instead. 

 

Tune into your True Desire, to your True Self,

to your Higher Guidance,

and ask of that whether "No" or "Yes" is appropriate

and come from that authentically

to Honor your Self,

instead of coming from fear

because of a story of guilt you have in your mind.

 

In this way, you can actively move through

and question the validity of the rules you seem to live by,

but which hold you back from experiencing your life freely.

 

If you are asked to do something, go within. 

 

If "No" is what brings you peace, say it.